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My Last Take

Good morning Underground Mafias and outsiders alike, I apologize for not being able to attend the final battle, as I was attending to more personal matters. I’d like to congratulate the Help Force for claiming victory, but if you haven’t read the last post, we would rather not partake in a matter involving the STAGNANT FOUR. I still fucking hate Ayan but hopefully, the tournament goes well for our opponents.

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve come to this conclusion that I’m done with the community, but fortunately I was able to leave with no regrets (both this time and the previous time). Still, as I kept contact with select members and aim to leave Discord entirely in the upcoming future, I thought of sharing my two cents on the matters here. Why? If I don’t put out all my opinions, a pent-up obsession would be no good in leaving this place. After all, verbalizing you detest it here does no good aside from engendering a dependency on armies.

Throughout my tenure in the community, it was a short while, yet I’ve managed to see every part. My peak as an administrator in the light of the community couldn’t shine a light over my downfall, when I was equated to the community’s idea of ‘scum’. The ideas put forward represent an amalgamation in my philosophy towards armies, which were shaped through these experiences. As a nobody, as an administrator, as a leader, as the shunned, it was these naïve, distorted, emotional experiences that helped me experience the greatest extent of the community. The reward here wasn’t to become a legend or celebrated for my actions by the current victors, it was to meet the great people that inspired my life down the road past armies. 

Despite making a home in several armies, I’d like to give the warmest gratitude to the Underground Mafias. To have the opportunity to lead an army considered legendary is an honor, but the greatest prestige yet is being recognized as one of the people who’ve maintained the conservative ideals that represented what UMA historically stood for. Whether it was Pink Mafias’ last stand against the clovers, or the Crew versus the world, the Underground Mafias never surrendered. Our culture outlives the entirety of the community, and will continue to remain as the last bastion of recklessness. There’s a lot of people to give thanks to, but those I recognize especially are the friends and family I’ve made here. Especially Dino for bringing me into EHUMA. Initially, I was told to avoid it and that nothing good comes out of EHUMA, but the same can be said about the side I first stood with. Greatest thanks to Dan and Bam too for encouraging me to take up the leadership position in the absence of Cobra, who has also done as much as the names mentioned. Aaron came later on, but it was his ignorance of the present and attachment of the past that encouraged us to stand our ground against the individuals we vilified. In the end, our army has always had the last laugh and continued to thrive even in the era of idiocy. 

Considering the shortage of braincells the community has, who knows if absolutely everyone could even read this to the end. Whatever is written is not for the sake of being read, as an alternative it’s for me. I’d like to move on from my digital home that fueled my youth, one final time.

In no particular order, I present to you, the audience, my last take…

Table of Contents
1. The “Friends List” Army
2. Prosect’s Unwinnable War
3. Addendum: Cancel Culture: The War Beyond Penguins
4. Club Penguin Army What?
5. How To Not Be Offended By Little Things
6. ACP: The Mormons of the Community
7. You’re All Fucking Losers
8. The Final Solution: Isolationism
9. The Legacy Of UMA
10. The Ballad of Bret: The Third Coming of Jesus Christ
11. My Final Take

The “Friends List” Army

Ever wondered why the community is stagnant? Hint, it’s not because of the lack of means for recruiting, or because of Club Penguin being a boring game. I think I may have an answer, maybe because the exclusion of newer members makes it hard to find enthusiasm in the community! That or you’re leading Golden Troops and making no progress because out of a 5 penguin quota, you only recruit one (on a good day).

The concept of merit is non-existent in armies, what fuels people to stay here is the friend groups that bring them into power and the little opportunities newcomers have to become acquainted with the community. Every army you go to, you’ll notice the same prominent group within this army that despite some having poorer ranks, they’re the true ruling group rather than the leader. Either you join this friend group, which is often hard because they hide behind their group chats and are in other servers, or you hope to be noticed by event activity. For a recruit that has nothing to do with armies and is exploring the concept, they won’t find any fun in logging for events and chatting to themselves. In their own army, the conversations bore the troops compared to in direct messages where the JUICY things happen.

Though shorter than the other sections, the point was briefly made. You all are stuck up in your side hustles and attempting to make a vocation out of armies that anyone trying to come into the community is neglected. People are too obsessed with power and care less about the state of the community.

Prosect’s Unwinnable War

Eden has always been a great friend of mine and a person I place immense trust into. His work is undeniable, and you have to be a Holocaust denier to not understand his impact on the modern community. I’ve known him more recently than others, but many can attest to his position as a watchdog keeping this community far safer than most think. I’ve hid behind Eden on numerous occasions, and without a guardian like him, modern armies would’ve fallen into this current state sooner than expected.. 

I was a part of Prosect shortly at the start of it’s creation and contributed little aside from the graphics, but just like the others involved, I believed in the vision for a new community. Prosect was a greater successor to CPAH than the failed revival was in a sense that it was Prosect versus the world. Even those who allied themselves with Prosect weren’t safe, everyone was a villain guilty on charges of hypocrisy. Even leaving the community, I do wish to see the vision Eden created as a reality for armies, considering it’s the only way guaranteeing neutrality, but that’s where it fails. A fair administration is created to serve the community, but doing so antagonizes the other powers. At CPAH, it was a fight for influence between the Doritos, the Black Ice bloc, and S/M powers who aimed for diplomatic victories over war. The application of a representative system did little other than accumulate more problems between a difference in visions by everyone else. A map dominated by the newly allied top powers, a separate map to give smaller armies a chance to fight, or to impose severe restrictions to create an ‘equal’ playing ground. 

Eden’s declaration of ‘war’ in the post here is a war not against these powers directly, but what they’ve used in several miniature cold wars: cancel culture. Not only Prosect, but anyone who declares a war against an act of cancel culture is fighting an unwinnable fight. To directly verse cancel culture means you have to possess a greater influence and involvement in the current community, and do more than heckling. Prosect’s war is another instance of Vietnam, except the current community is being run as a police-state, refusing to acknowledge information that damaged their reputation. Templars’ had a weak expose post, but what they’ve put out on SWAT is only a fraction of what the army has done. These accusations have been negated and are considered irrelevant. The community doesn’t need parity to live as proven by the little opposition against the CP Army Network. 

It’s not that Eden is no longer needed, the community tossed him to the side and no longer wants to hear him out. Eden’s position is the same as a returning veteran that hates the current environment. The only viable solution is a disaster that shakes armies to the core, and changes the power balance. It’s a race for power, and whoever triumphs will rule their own vision over the community. Currently though, there’s no need for a power balance when the community’s self-imposed segregation satisfies all but Prosect. 

It’s not his fault, the blame lies in the hypocrisy, but I guess it’s fine as long as everything remains ‘stable’, right? Sure, stable in a community where the only ones in power are active, and the other retards leading have no say because they shouldn’t be leaders.

Addendum: Cancel Culture: The War Beyond Penguins

Here is the original post I wrote on Club Penguin Army Politics and Philosophy; will repost on UMA eventually.

Well, if you haven’t read my post, here’s a brief summary: I theorized the death of the community would be an internal conflict between our stances on what’s right and what isn’t, and the politicization of war. The ideas culminated from anger over the community’s attempt at canceling our army over reasons they too are guilty of. Cancel culture is a double-edged sword of hypocrisy and shouldn’t be used unless there’s a person who’s hiding behind the riches of their power.

I’m right. These armies remain at peace and use screenshots as blackmail, even going to lengths of faking them as a provocation. The time bomb ticked, and the community’s stagnation isn’t a result of no private servers, it’s the fallout of the weapon you’ve wagged in your face like a pair of keys. How can the community call itself one when it resembles nothing more than an oligarchy. Recognize the people here? Well, it’s the same faces. There’s no interest in moving up the ranks in this impoverished community, where you killed the very essence of it with your ideological wars. The crusades continued, and a certain clover crusade weld the power, waving their influence where it was possible. In a once-satisfied community, the resulting imbalance led to this state of being nothing more than a shell. A shell of a community you could genuinely enjoy.

Waging war against cancel culture is pointless and has little effect once the damage has been done. Attempting to rehabilitate your reputation just serves to bring your mistakes back to haunt you. The expectations produced by ‘cancelling’ effectively create a cohesive hive mind speaking only about morals. Reasoning is no longer respected, and advancement is discouraged.

In the community, there is no God, the superior being is our intellect that guided our armies in the same, stable direction as everyone else. However, the overutilization of cancel culture has since guided us far from intellect, and currently, the community’s very existence can be attributed to the desperation to keep this place alive. There is no more passion towards the game, the real world and Club Penguin have unified into one shithole rivaling the likes of Mumbai.

Also, I’d like to reaffirm that I’m stating this from the perspective of a community’s bystander, not from my former position of power. Cancel culture was weaponized at my former organization, the CP Army Hub, but that was not what led to its demise. I could care less about its death, but the embers of its revival continue to nag me.

Nuclear Fallout and the Downwinders' Dilemma

Club Penguin Army What?

Why the fuck do we need so much media, it’s not that hard to receive news from your best friend because of how accessible army servers are. What good is media when you’re not reporting on what happens in the background? Media was once journalism that snooped in the backdoors of armies, but is now not a weapon, but has been weaponized by those in power as a way to stay in power. The Club Penguin Army Central had its moments of being used by other armies, but generally, its reports infringed on our privacy and reported the wrongdoings of armies for their own good. What good is your media if it’s not bringing justice to the community?

Club Penguin Army Hub, Club Penguin Army Headquarters, Club Penguin Army Network are the only three news sites this year I recognize, not anything created by coping SM leaders. All three have their fair share of issues, but neither adhered to the vision of the media described. There is nothing wrong with that, but all three have been used by individuals for a certain agenda.

The Club Penguin Army Hub, excuse my bias, was the least corrupt out of the three because its founding was on the basis of unification and keeping power distributed rather than on one side of the community. Well, that’s what it was founded on but ended up becoming a symbiote of the CP Army Media attaching onto the remnants of the league that myself, 32op, LuciferStar, and Mehakk came from. The intentions weren’t ill and I’d understand why some people would accuse it of corruption: certain individuals were denied a position to maintain a sense of ‘neutrality’. However, as someone who watched the founding from the background, I stand behind the hub because there was the best interest in its creation and was not to be used as a weapon from any corner of the community. Besides, CPAH didn’t piss one army off, they pissed off everyone, even those who strongly supported it. It was the first instance of the site that I enjoyed, but I can’t share the same feelings towards the second instance, the attempted revival.

Though I have nothing to do with this community, the second revival’s details remain confidential behind the wall of the others, so I won’t detail as much into it. However, I can say for certain that it was late and stood against CP Army Headquarters’ position, which came to power after the January fiasco. There were motives, but it’s a matter of who you choose to stand behind. I stood behind CPAH for that reason, and that was the neutrality it brought. The same idea of neutrality that won me over is the reason why CPAH could never succeed as the other two media giants of 2021. My only regret is standing behind the revival and believing it would succeed without putting in any effort.

CP Army Headquarters was the first news site to rise to prominence after CPAH fell. As a superpower fell, the people responsible for the headquarters picked up enough scraps to begin their own rise to power. However, it was apparent how it was nothing more than a power grab. The involvement of Kingfunks is more than enough proof to attest to that. His control and creation of a public legends committee is greed, controlling a system that he believes was his inherited authority. As qualified as he is, his intentions have been in the interest of his own group rather than in the eyes of impartiality. To grant someone who knows nothing of the private server era before his own return is ignorance, but I cannot fully disagree with CPAHQ. Between CPAHQ and CPAN, the headquarters is the lesser of two evils. A committed media force who attempted to branch out into several new interactive stories similar to the likes of CPAH and CPAC. Beautiful graphics were created by my mentee Maxine. Their media is very engaging and doesn’t fall short in terms of quality. Aside from the individuals heading it revolving around the rule of Kingfunks, it’s a respectable organization. Though, it should be noted that being respectable doesn’t garner you control over the community like the newest organization has. Also, the Project Conquest idea sounded cool but kind of sucks. It seems like a burnout.

Club Penguin Army Network is a decent idea if it wasn’t formed as a power grab. Their intentions publicly don’t seem as bad, but the creation of a league with a majority of Rebel Penguin Federation and Ice Warrior troops seems more like a power grab than anything. If the two biggest armies are participating in a league together, and the Army of Club Penguin isn’t doing anything, might as well go to the more popular league! Their league isn’t terrible but the intentions and personnel supporting its founding speak volumes. Iceyfeet is a problematic individual himself, but the worst part is how he’s 30 and doesn’t think for himself. Icey’s been around for this long and his position as some ancient army legend has been used by almost everyone as some form of qualification. Icey is just as brain dead as Funks in terms of the past, yet the two cling onto their previous accomplishments. However, Icey’s legend isn’t a sham and he’s currently leading the Ice Warriors, the second (and debated first) biggest army, so his position currently isn’t as questionable. F6 isn’t a problematic person (in my eyes) and I do think he has decent intentions for what was a shift in power, but the creation of CPAN seems very unnecessary. Besides, their media isn’t that good and does the absolute minimum. Their website is boring and their biggest advantage is the map.

I have nothing against these sites aside from motives, but even then, the media is a dead concept. News is simply a coverup of power, and these people no longer expose the injustices of an army; they only contribute in hiding it from the public. The only excuse I’ve heard is that it’s a kid’s community and they shouldn’t be exposed to these activities. Keeping it undercover does nothing but creates more fear when the entirety of the story is exposed.

Also, if you think the point of this excerpt is to praise CPAH for everything it’s done right, you’re wrong. The media has deviated from its initial purpose of being the investigative force stabilizing the community to a weapon itself. Use your platform to oust the scumbags, not harbor them.

Why Majority “Leaders” Are Followers

Out of most topics on this list, I feel the most hatred towards this one, so excuse any future language. The position of leader formerly wasn’t given out as easily. Even if people received leaders with ease, they often had a resume that proved what they’re capable of, which makes joining any army for a high position an easy task. The thing was that not everyone was made out to be a leader. Those at the top were the same ones that kept the community moving. They were crude, vocal, not afraid to argue back, and most importantly, stubborn. Very negative traits would seem counterproductive for a leader outside of armies, which is a collaborating and headstrong individual, but being immature worked in the favor for these guys. Aside from their misconduct, leaders stood strong for their army and would take any comment degrading their reputation seriously. Some turned out to go down a malicious road of learning what an IP address is capable of and using underhanded means to their advantage, while others wrote rage posts to contribute to their army’s nationalism. Leaders were proud of their army and didn’t let a loss or even a threat go under their radar. To be a leader is to exert the greatest pride possible in this community.

Theoretically, in this sensitive age, it doesn’t seem right to be this kind of leader. I disagree, despite how sensitive armies are today, they’ve spawned prolific leaders who were most appropriate to lead their respective armies. My very own friend 32op took the steed of the Doritos and made it his very own, Xing, as schizophrenic as he is, he’s what the Templars’ very existence depends on, the extravagant Crazzyhead who inherited a superpower and turned it to THE dominant force of 2020, and there are a few from Ice Warriors that have stood out to me but it’s hard to choose one. Point is that there are still leaders that exist: people who can take the reins of an army and run with it.

Majority of these small/medium armies have shit, weak leaders. As much as that sounds like a Lord Pain approach, there are very little leaders that stand out today. Most are controlled by an entity composed of former leaders, influential figures, and the instilled ideas left behind by the past. The difference between a successful leader and a weak one is how much they let their ruling body control them. Great army leaders take their own approach, satisfactory army leaders stabilize theirs by following the left behind ideas, and the terrible ones follow not the voices of their own army, but the needs of others.

If real world ideologies dictated armies, I’d suggest those inexperienced to follow a Gaullist approach. Charles de Gaulle liberated France alongside the Allied Powers and re-established democracy throughout the country, but under an approach of internal strengthening rather than becoming dependent on the United States, like the rest of Europe. Removing French troops from NATO and starting France’s very own nuclear program in attempts to become independent rather than subservient. The current system of armies resembles the real world greatly, as the current bloc is composed of a strong RPF and IW influence. 

Most would argue against this and claim that it’s taking the game too seriously. You cannot call your group an army if you’re not going to take the proper measures. A more appropriate name would be a sausage party since many incompetent leaders do nothing but touch tips and call it a day. The people in charge of actual big armies are doing what it takes to consolidate power, and small armies exist for what purpose. To take it in the ass? If you’re not going to put in work, you aren’t worthy of being a leader. Doing absolutely nothing degrades the honor of the position and kills the very existence of armies.

Also, if I were to call out certain armies, take a look at the current top ten and anything under 10th, with the exception of 11th and potentially 12th. I mainly have Golden Troops in mind, but there are others it can apply too, I’m just not as observant over the community as I once was.

How To Not Be Offended By Little Things

Inside the hotel, looking outside through the front door. - Picture of  Burley House, Lilongwe - Tripadvisor

Go outside.

ACP: The Mormons of the Community

Here was an initial response post to ACP during the UMA-DCP-ACP conflict.

The Army of Club Penguin is an interesting case. It’s no surprise I once affiliated myself with them, never formally joining but always had fun interacting with the people. If I were to be honest, I like their people. I’ve had good memories writing copypasta in their chat, receiving appreciation for graphics, and being able to meet like minded people like Cubby, Rob, Kailey, and others who I think are the outliers of the army. My first interactions with them upon returning in June of 2020 was through an alliance between Dark Bandits, my first army, and them. The first time I really thought to depend on them was when RPF condemned my army for my co leaders’ actions, and we couldn’t defend our server. Despite not receiving help rather encouragement, this did little to my opinion of the army. I continued to value their presence in the community as heroic, as they stood alone against the power-hungry, though this view has since been distorted. Standing alone heroic was a misty illusion; once cleared, it revealed they stood alone in selfishness.

Yes, I do hate the community, but it was never a reason to leave. Interacting with the people wasn’t bad, because we all shared in common certain things that went beyond armies. What prompted me to leave was seeing the hypocrisy of a friend first hand, and realizing how no one here matters. A relationship once valued was thrown over a child’s game, and it shows this community was never meant to be taken seriously. Thank you for opening my eyes and demonstrating why it was right to be with UMA. I never changed because of the ‘bad influence’, I changed because of the initial influence. I was never meant to be a saint or help see the army community prosper, I was meant to cope with the pandemic and become what I was unable to be in the original armies. The two-faced army has put their own ideas first, and indoctrinated their people to religiously believe these. To argue against what was told can be matched to breaking sharia law. Extreme? In the community, it is extreme: to be denounced and a part of their agenda to empower their troops morally. Children who participate in the army’s activities learn to turn a blind eye against the other voice, and only teach them to receive information from the source that feeds them their ideals. It’s like being a liberal who only receives your news from CNN, one-sided perspective.

The greatest weapon utilized by the clovers isn’t their sizes, or community influence, it’s that cancel culture described above. The one sided perspective fed and motivated their troops to purge the evil until it’s gone completely. The damage done by cancelling culture is greater than what most think. In reality, it destroys careers, relationships, opportunities, and character. You aren’t given a way to defend yourself against the accusations, either you live in guilt for the remainder of your life or k*ll yourself and guilt trip their side for good. The latter is never an option that should be taken, and if you’re pushed to that extent, it’s greater evidence to cancel culture being more destructive than what the person has said. It has done good on certain occasions, but the generalization of what it does and how accessible it is to many is what makes it dangerous. Unlike other armies who house suspicious individuals, their ‘clean’ reputation only backs any claims. Forgiveness is impeded by ignorance, and your mistakes are a reflection of your character. The community some come to as an escape is also one where they can be shunned. As inclusive as the army is, excluding these people and using that power is both contradictory and hypocritical.

Even without this as a weapon, the Army of Club Penguin is the same as any other army. If there’s a response made against them, you’re going to be responded with copypastas and criticism by self-centered bastards. Their army may not have as big of suspicious activity as others, but at the core, it’s just as scummy. This higher stance that criticizes anyone who comments on their army pales in comparison to the bigger powers, who openly attack the clovers. Their response? Nothing, they don’t make any posts or try to take the higher stance. If you’re going to call out one army over the other, follow through with your stance and hold all accountable or shut the fuck up. 

Returning back to May’s controversy, when ACP declared war on their allies, the Doritos, over comments made by UMA/DCP legends. During moments such as the NDA, or any other conflict they refused to help the Doritos and other allies. My involvement in creating the post linked above led to me getting blocked by current leader Max and temporarily banned until Cubby, the only ACP leader other than Bam I’d publicly support, unbanned me. What completely killed the last of my interest in armies was how easily they dropped me. An out of context image (I do agree it was inappropriate, but out of context) completely blacklisted me from their army.

Most recently, I returned to the server during UMA’s short revival and was welcomed back. Leaving and rejoining was something I previously enjoyed, but after being blocked and avoided during that week, it’s a sour taste. I don’t really care if I’m banned again, but I can say for certain that I have no more regrets regarding my relationship with the army. I’ll remain far from the server, but criticize anything I stand for, such as UMA, my home, and I’ll be the first to respond back if necessary. Fucking pussies lol.

Explaining the title, I chose to refer to them as Mormons because they’ll always show up at your doorstep and attempt to have you subscribe to their faith. On the outside, these white shirted, biking Mormons are friendly and will be as kind as possible when conversing with you. Inside their group, it resembles a cult, fanatically subscribed to these beliefs mentioned earlier but to an extreme, brainwashed extent.

As stated in the original post, “Brainwashing your troops that you’re fighting the moral war against anti-Palestine rhetoric using people not even in DCP is our victory and we’d do it again.”

You’re All Fucking Losers

I mean exactly as the title states. To any outsiders and individuals who pride themselves in armies, you’re a fucking loser and you need to leave. Amidst the pandemic, armies were far from terrible. The depression from losing reality was too much to bear, which led to the tragedy of rising suicides across the world. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone who has left our Earth during these dire conditions, and do believe mental health should be taken more seriously. Armies filled that void for many, including myself, giving us a purpose that fills the gap of the coronavirus.

The community has since lost the direction and drama that kept it alive in our minds, and though I hate to agree with them, ACP made a fair point about stagnation. What annoys me more than the state of armies is the attitude towards them. You have retards like Spotty and the egirls who constantly whine about how they hate being here, but they depend on armies as much as you would depend on food and water. Quick psychology lesson will be in session. I’m not as qualified as Mrs. Dr. Crazzyhead, but a YouTube video and common sense taught me everything I need to understand about the dependency on armies.

You receive a sense of accomplishment from overcoming difficulties and visibly seeing a difference, overall it’s pride about bettering yourself. Dopamine is a hormone responsible for feeling good, which accomplishes this by enabling neurons to communicate and control movement, sending signals and acts alongside other hormones to increase your overall mood. Now, a dopamine rush is what triggers the dopamine to your system, which can be accomplished through trivial activities that would cause excitement. These people in armies thrive off said excitement and take a route that gives them what they want here. Excitement in armies isn’t as valued for some of us, but this also has to do with the feeling of importance here. Establishing yourself for as long as these people have here creates a sense of importance, that people here revolve around your very existence and a rank is more than a position of power, it’s a social hierarchy testifying to your clout. 

Put together the clout from being here for this long along with the dopamine rushes triggered by army-related events and you have a dependency to armies, possibly even an addiction and inability to leave. Another problem is how hard it is for these people to leave too. You’re privileged and able to stand out in armies because of how long you’ve established yourself, but once you go to the outside world, you’re a regular person and not involved in the drama. Not everyone admirable in the community can have that title transferred in real life. Jester is an example of someone admirable both here and outside. 

Fret not, I’m not here to solely criticize. I wish for the betterment of the people here and do want to see all of us transition from our army addictions to enjoying the real world once more. Acknowledge your position as nothing but fictitious and irrelevant, especially when your audience is children or other manlets. I strongly recommend Improvement Pill to learn more about improving your mental state and creating aspirations for yourself as an aid when leaving here completely. If you’re here aiming for a title like Legend, the truth is you receive these titles by sucking up and being on the right side of history, which doesn’t work for everyone. In the section below about UMA’s legacy, I’ve summed up the real reward to me, which is how I’m able to finally leave this community. 

In short, please leave the community and try to branch out outside of here. Some of you are really talented and can transfer your abilities into another sector of the world, making a legitimate name for yourself and reaching an audience greater than an army full of Roblox children and teenagers, with the addition of grown ass men (and women, I’m not sexist!)

The Final Solution: Isolationism

What purpose does the league have? Do you genuinely value a map, which is why you join any league that presents one? Currently, no army aside from the top two have a legitimate reason to participate in a league; the two’s reasoning being puissance. Media has no relevance when you gain your information through a backdoor rather than from a news outlet. Their lack of coverage to unearth the negligence of others does nothing to reinforce their position, and has the sole motive of being the facile way to receive legend. Some armies have commenced to take an approach independent from the ‘leagues’, which works as good as being in the league. After all, you’re no longer catering to their only form of control over armies, you’re in liberty to move the army in your desired direction and expand into non-events to keep an active community. I’m all in favor of isolationism, and shared a homogeneous vision of a participating isolationist UMA during our brief leadership. 

Complete isolationism, such as what the Recon Federation follows, is a disaster and does nothing but restrict your army. Unless you’re a stable community that has more than enough members to completely avoid armies, this approach guarantees death. Even the biggest powers couldn’t afford to air gap themselves because of not only said motives, but their community having grown that big by advertising Club Penguin and the appeal of armies. There isn’t any appeal to armies nor is there an attempt to create an ‘army’. An everlasting armistice has since transformed the state of armies into gaming communities, and there’s no one to rival when people would rather focus on their own ventures.

The Help Force’s isolationism is an example of focusing on your own path while not cutting contact completely, they remained in the league for the sake of having a position and voice throughout other armies but continued to put work into their community, creating a far more active server than others. From experience, the two most interactive and biggest Discords I’ve seen were the Rebel Penguin Federation and Help Force, both having isolationist approaches at some time in their existence. Both armies maintain this well and it’s apparent by the relationship between higher command and newcomers not being as distant as Ice Warriors, who let the spergs talk to each other in main chat while staff rarely talked, and leaders completely avoided it.

Do consider this approach and create a self-sufficient environment where you can benefit from interacting with others, but won’t lose anything either. An idea we had for our army was creating an internal map for eventual division battles, but due to events we couldn’t see as far into the future as envisioned. Armies is still a concept that appeals to children, but having a league and the desire to protect land does the opposite of encouraging invasion: you become protective of the lands that you have, it’s not worth the risk of potentially losing it after a failed/successful invasion. Besides, people burn out of the community easily.

The Top Ten is a tradition, but also a very cruel assessment. If quotas within your army were bad enough, then the pressure to continuously hold several events a week should be worse. The need for more events to have an impact on the Top Ten leads me to hypothesize that the lack of war is due to that amount of battles and its relation to burn out. The Water Vikings had a lengthy war against SWAT, which had a lot of ally involvement. Likely, this involvement didn’t burn out either side and brought the battles to be decisive, which was why they kept on going. Also, it was a clear battle between blocs. One vision of the community versus the other. Battles with no real goal and target did well in bringing the wartime attitude. Why? You didn’t hate the other side for politicizing the war, you just had that much of nationalism for your own side. Who cares about reason, as long as your side comes out victorious, that’s all that matters. The existence of a league also encourages stagnation and makes it seem impossible to progress in the current army climate. Armies shouldn’t be entirely competition, the reward behind them is the community created and legacy left behind. It’s possible to leave a legacy behind through building a sufficient empire rather than dissipating in the sands of time.

The Legacy Of UMA

Being in a community revolving around Club Penguin isn’t the most astonishing, but I’ve found veneration in certain individuals and artifacts. One certain post that has stuck with me is Daniel’s shutdown post of the Underground Mafias in 2014, which can be found here. In the post, he outlines his own philosophy on the army’s influence since its engendering to the time of the renaissance. Surprisingly, the post’s precision outlives the shutdown and applies to our version additionally. Dan believed the true legacy of the army was the recollections and longing to relive our childhoods as we grow older, which is in fact the authentic treasure of armies.

Upon returning, my eyes were set on leaving an army legacy with either Elites or the Underground Mafias, potentially bringing the two to significant influence and creating a community dependency. At the moment, it sounds ambitious and appropriate for Club Penguin. One of my goals of amassing a well-known reputation was accomplished at the Club Penguin Army Hub, where I stumbled upon the right people and managed to write myself into army history but also burning any passion I had left. Community this, community that, I wasn’t ready to join the ranks of soyboys and work for obscurity. Between two conflicts, one for glory and the other for passion, there weren’t many options left that allowed me to reach this goal and have fun. That was until I met the Eastern Hancock UMA guys.

This group attempted to represent all principles left behind by the original UMA, which to the public seems like edginess and generally being offensive. Realistically, the essence of UMA is carelessness. Any animosity towards the community is translated into trolling and fuckery. There’s no obligation to make it the greatest army, that was done by our predecessors. By inheriting the ideals of the Crew and previous generations, we were never meant to receive high regards in the new community. We were meant to serve as a big tent and the soft power of the community through said ideas. UMA has always been an inclusive place, even more than what armies like ACP pride themselves on. You aren’t denied on the basis of your beliefs, rather the importance you give to the family. Our generation brought controversial people and turned them loyal to the army. The upper powers can frown on our decision, but it was done with the greatest of intentions of giving everyone an equal chance. The Underground Mafias isn’t an army for the sake of competing against the others, it’s for the fun that everyone else lacks. There’s no need to give your work to UMA, all that’s needed is to put your heart and expression wherever you go. UMA has always outlived itself in the form of people proud to represent themselves as formerly affiliating themselves with the army. 

What is a legacy to leave behind in armies? Is it to continuously win the Legends Cup tournament? Is it to continuously score top three on the Top Ten? Is it to have a perfect war record? Yes, but this only encompasses the bare minimum to leave a legacy. To leave a legacy behind is to be glorious in your age. They claim Pericles stated, “What you leave behind is not what is engraved in stone monuments but what is woven into the lives of others.” I call bullshit, but do wholeheartedly agree with the quote. What have we done for our existence? UMA bred legends into the community and brought a vision conservative to older armies, but progressively expanding to a greater audience. UMA didn’t win any huge tournaments, we captivated the hearts and innate feelings people had towards armies. When many disliked the actions of others, we made a clear stance and used the signature recklessness to motivate others to share the same emotions. When ACP this year used the comments of UMA/DCP legends as a way to betray their allies, who took a stance against their bullshit? The amount of people that supported and looked to UMA as the dark horses kept the spirit alive. It doesn’t take an event maxing a record score to stand up to injustice, all it took us was an unorthodox approach that surprisingly won the support of others. Despite any attempt to cancel us out, those who once held the torch of the army’s vitality did their best to cement their vision of a legacy in history. The torch continued to pass on, and onto us, we maintain the heritage of the Underground Mafias in our own way possible. 

Daniel said it far preponderant, but the legacy left behind of our army is in the form of recollecting the past and accommodating that until the cessation. The current state of armies has no room for the conceptions propagated by our group, which is why they’ve endeavored to push us to the outskirts of the community. Another legacy we’ve left behind by being a veteran army that represented conceptions in an age of uniformity, the Underground Mafias is the gateway to exit the world you’ve commenced of armies. No matter how distant we emanate from UMA, the experience and time to accommodate your friends and an online family made the experience more rewarding, and of something with greater value than any legendary denomination. Not everyone is on the legends page, but anyone who is accommodated in this army can verbally express with confidence their contributions to the army haven’t fallen any short of our prospects. Thank you to everyone that joined this generation and to the veterans of the past that joined the revolution.

Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail. – Ralph Waldo Emerson


The Ballad of Bret: The Third Coming of Jesus Christ

Partially satire.

Born in Bethlehem was the key figure to the world’s biggest religion, Jesus Christ. A thousand and eight hundred years later was the second coming of Jesus, far from Jerusalem and located in Qing China, the legendary Hong Xiuquan. As the younger brother of Christ, he set out on his own adventure and attempted to Christianize the entirety of China under his “heavenly” rule, hence the moniker. The rejection of his rule as decided by fate in the Taiping Rebellion marked China’s triumph, but also their decline. Both Jesus and Hong Xiuquan were martyrs that left a legacy greater than their own name, which is why I’m inclined to believe Ehroyals is the third coming of Christ and his existence was here to bless the entirety of armies.

Jokes aside, Bret is the progenitor of both the Underground Mafias’ in the private server era, as well as the entirety of post-Disney armies. Many, including us in UMA, joke around about Bret, but I believe armies should be more grateful to what Bret created. The legacy he left behind is one that has been tarnished by those who sought power and began to drain the fun from the game. Bret wasn’t the most intelligent or manipulative type of leader that we see today, but he was a person that let his retardation control the army. That same attitude was what initially created the concept of armies, and brought fun to the majority of us who were enticed by the people and concept.

Bret’s decisions when heading the army weren’t made on the basis of diplomacy or anything strict, he envisioned a direction that was inspired by what he admired in the Underground Mafias, and ran with it. Even when he faced a division in the army or threats from rising armies that began to formalize their decisions, or even had his information leaked to the public on numerous occasions, Bret stayed in the community and helped shape the state of armies we experience today. Bret has a special place in my heart for creating this legacy I was grateful to take over. He embodied the ideas of the past and never sold out in the face of opportunity. God bless Bret and thank you for your hard work.

Christ first left the world with a legacy, Hong Xiuquan left China with an opportunity, and Ehroyals left armies with a chance. A chance to prosper when all thought armies were gone for good. 

My Final Take

As I leave, my final observance of the community is seeing it in a twisted light. The light of the community shines brightly from a distance, and as a person who once basked in the warmth of the community, I was seduced to approach this illusion. Amid the chaotic mornings and rivaling nights was a beautiful glimmer reflecting from the stars. It doesn’t take a fascination in astrology to recognize the beauty of the light for something as small, immature, and youthful as I once was. Longing for that desire, I yearned for another experience under this light, to feel the burn on my skin and the familiarity it brought. As I came closer, my eyes learned the deception that these surroundings were never two-dimensional. Lies after lies, I lose the comfort I once found in this surrounding and fear what it has become. The light shines, but not upon us. With no exact start and a mysterious end bending the light from our land, I ask myself where am I to find solace here. Once tumultuous, yet benevolent, the arid lands gave home to us all. All that remains here is a barren wasteland, one that makes clear the standing between every individual in this community. I was unfortunate to lose my ignorance, and to become aware and see the cold truth. All that lies is an impoverished, cold world in one dimension, there’s no depth to those residing there or to nature. Once steep, yet blooming hills have significantly changed their depth to reflect the inequality, differing from the once equal standing of all man.

Standing in a desolate environment has transmuted me additionally. I don’t know who or what I am underneath the persona of Zamb. Am I arrogant, or am I modest? Am I understanding, or am I callous? Was it the environment that changed me, or did I adapt myself in face of the environment? I’ve disappointed many while satisfying others. Zamb was never a solid character, he transformed because of the circumstances faced. It wasn’t the army’s fault for my change in character, it was the displeasure from being that high up. I reached the apex of armies and had more power than I wanted. That is what I celebrated, but was it too great of potency that sickened me to my stomach, or was it too restricted of influence that fell short of my position? 

It was never a decision meant for me. I rejoined the community to find the fun I craved years ago, and instead faced a short chapter of life. The bookmark is finally listed, and the chapter eventually ends onto a section left blank, ready to be started. I’m fine where I currently am sitting in history. A man unknown to the world, and soon to be buried in the army graveyard into the central Tomb of the Unknown. I’ve sold my soul to have the experience my nine year old self once dotted. Looking forward every day after school to prove my staunchness more preponderant than the other day didn’t edify me or anything, it alimened my hunger. A hunger that once orally consumed anything has since starved, only able to vicariously lose what little fun I have left and engender a rumbling reminder to commence my responsibilities. The experience I had of reaching the top of the community to its depths have since satisfied my appetite.

Thank you for one last experience. I’ve since begun to walk the path once deviated at the height of the coronavirus. I wish the best for this community, and hope it one day prospers so someone lost like me can find their life. The true reward isn’t the armies, it’s the outcome. 

Greatest thanks to the Underground Mafias. One last time, Fight the bad.

‘Condemn me. It does not matter. History will absolve me.’ – Fidel Castro


UMA (National) Socialist Dictator


Edit from Dino: Comments are welcomed, although please use a VPN for the sake of protecting your IP since WordPress is shit and logs those motherfuckers.

One Response

  1. nice


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